Man, Rahul Bru, I’m fed up, seriously, with this crap! My 18-year-old neighbor, Natasha aka Nat, said randomly as we climbed into the elevator.
When he lifted his mask for a second to chat, a fellow elevator-passenger said rudely, “Put it back, young lady.”
“Djokovic hasn’t even been vaccinated, would you say the same thing to him! Chill, okay,” Nuts snapped back.
“Why the anger, Nuts?”
“Bruh, my bad, this ‘masked life’ is bugging me! Trying to simultaneously breathe and talk, recap the same breath… Feeling like a surgeon-cum-ghost, man … grrrrr-ev!”
“What is ‘grrrrr-eeew’?” I asked.
“It’s anger (grrrr) plus bad breath (eeew)! We’re faced with wearing masks for a lifetime, I can’t see people’s full faces. A whole conversation about very important things, and everything you hear Well that’s a muffled voice… you’re only relying on one person’s eyes for communication. Okay, so I went flat-hunting last week…”
“you are going home?” I asked Nat.
“No, Rahul, chill, my sister and her angry half are probably going to Mumbai. Man, I met five touts who showed me more than 40 flats… each man giving me raga-patis, talking sales, completely masked.
Here’s what I think about the touts of Mumbai and their eyes…”
Natasha breaks down in an Eminem-style hip hop poem-
“Yo brokers… with your ghoulish eyes, with your beggar eyes”
Your blinking eyes, your greedy eyes
your fickle eyes, your innocent eyes
Your steely eyes, your blinking eyes
‘Fish eyes’, slippery eyes
Your deceitful, sly, sly eyes
‘Your Built-up Vs Carpet Area’ Eyes
‘Hey are you single?’ judgment eyes
‘How much black and how much white?’ Eyes
‘I’m a shark in a suit’ eyes
Yo brokers, with your ghoulish eyes
“Good rapping, though you’re being a little harsh on the pimps, yeah Nats?” I said.
“Yeah maybe I’m a little flat-hunting weary! Also, for a woman, in this city, men come to you in all forms and expressions—they come to you from all kinds of angles, And you can’t see their faces—how do you know the best of the bad? How do you know who to trust?”
“I guess everything’s not kosher with uhm… Armaan?”
“They realized I was too intense, bruh, they’ve been kicked off with a bimbet, an insta-ticket star. Again it’s all about ‘eyes to see’! Brother! Here’s my take on the people of Mumbai and their eyes.”
“Clever eyes, crappy eyes, dude eyes”
dry eyes, raw eyes,
‘He’s cute’ eyes, ‘That’s a cruel’ eyes,
‘He gives me an intense headache’ eyes,
blindfolded, elegant, pretentious, blindfolded
hipster, quipster, trickster eyes
outrageous, elusive, bubbly eyes
Sugar daddy eyes, brown sugar eyes, ‘I’m off sugar and carbs’ eyes
Cheap eyes, crawling eyes, ‘disappointed’ eyes
‘Let’s go Dutch’ eyes, ‘left my wallet at home’ eyes,
‘I’m cool’ eyes, ‘I’m badass’ eyes, ‘I’m a bad boy’ eyes, ‘I’m a mama’s boy’ eyes,
‘I want you to be my mother’ eyes,
‘I want you to meet my mother first’ eyes
‘I just want ‘friendship’ eyes, ‘I soon’ ghost ‘your eyes’
sly eyes, dutiful eyes, sly eyes,
‘#MeToo’ eyes, eyes of two times
“Nuts, I think you’re a little pissed—shall we change the subject? I have a request… In the hip hop tradition, do you have a poem for two years of this damn Epidemic, Delta, O’Micron, etc. Is?”
“Man, this is what I do obvio! Here goes…”
Crying eyes, sleepy eyes,
haunted, haunted eyes
puffy eyes, teary eyes, sobbing eyes
Caged, Aged, Angry, Dissected, Damaged Eyes
sneaky, glowing eyes
soulful eyes, mournful eyes, cold eyes, bold eyes, old eyes, tense eyes, puffy eyes,
‘I am alone’ eyes
“Anyway, bruh, you’ve made me sad enough. I’m off to Netflix for a while… make some popcorn and watch a movie.”
“Which one, Nut?”
“These black black eyes,” she ended giving me her
Halley’s comet smile, with a wink.
Rahul Dakunha is an adman, theater director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Contact him at email@example.com